About my job.. no fancy title.

I'm trying not to letter the bitterness take control of me but the past week I have been forced to do some serious soul searching.

My current job is for a big corporation. One that is one of the largest in its industry. I've worked there for going on three years now. It has been the best paying job I've ever had. When I first started there, things were a lot better. They seemed more, well, appreciative of their employees. But then management changed and they stripped away a lot of our incentives.

I had a conversation with upper management today that their perception is that I was "Just there collecting a paycheck" and that I'm "lazy." Of course, I never see upper management when we do most of our business. Considering I volunteer on my days off, pick up overtime, and I'm on extra committees and I'm active in our union. That should say enough. Then there's the whole "biking to work" thing which this person was unaware and surprised by. It's amazing how out-of-touch some people are.

I've always been a bit of a workaholic, and that's just how I deal with things. I've let go in the past few years go try and live life a little, but work, to me, isn't just a paycheck. It's about self-respect. It's about integrity. It's about earning my keep.

Thing is I don't have a college education I can fall back on and I cannot afford to go back to school. I really like what I do, but I'm really starting to hate the company. To put it mildly, the people making the decisions do not know what is really going on. Anybody who knows me knows I am one of the most dependable people out there, and my work ethic is second to none.

But then again, when you only focus on failure, how can you expect to be successful?

I am really asking myself if I want to continue to working for this company. I think I need to find an 'out.'

It just sucks having been buried in so much debt that this is kind of a perpetual cycle that may never end. But I am no longer going to just accept "Good enough." I am going to work whatever I can, a second full time job if I have too. And I am going to get 6 months to a year living expenses in the bank. Then I am going to quit this nonsense and pursue something I feel better about.